


Reflections of Another Life

by sinemoras09



Category: Chuck (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-22
Updated: 2009-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-25 08:08:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3803023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinemoras09/pseuds/sinemoras09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Ellie is the Intersect? AU. Ellie/Casey. Takes place around seasons 1-2</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reflections of Another Life

Ellie is picking up Chuck's dirty clothes off the floor when she sees an email pop up: an email from Bryce. "What the...?"

Setting the socks on the desk, she pulls out a chair and sits.

The thing about having a computer genius brother is, you learn to pick up a few things. Like solving puzzles and being a bit too curious for your own good.

The thing about having a computer genius father is, you share the same genes, the same mental imprint. Like Eidetic memory and a neural cortex just ripe for storing obscene amounts of information.

Images flash. Ellie drops to the floor.

 

*****

 

"What do you _mean_ I have to break up with Devon?" Ellie asks.

They're standing in war room, staring at a 1984-sized General Beckman glaring down from the monitor. "He's a security risk," Beckman says. "He's much too close to the asset than the bureau is comfortable dealing with. Major Casey will be your new significant other from now on."

"But..." Ellie fights back tears. "We live together," Ellie says. "We share a lease--I can't just kick him out."

"Relationships end all the time," Beckman says, smoothly. "Find a way, Bartowski. Or else we'll find another way, for you."

Casey pulls out his gun and Ellie knows what the General means.

 

*****

 

In the hospital, Ellie swipes her card and pushes through the ER doors. Devon passes her, bumping against her shoulder. "Devon?"

"So you're dating the janitor now. Nice," Devon says, bitterly. "Real step up there, babe. _Awesome_."

"Janitor?" Ellie turns but Devon keeps walking. "Devon, wait--"

"Ease up, Bartowski," Casey says. Ellie looks up and sees Casey leaning against the wall. He's wearing a janitor's jumpsuit, holding a mop. "You're supposed to be dating _me_ , remember?" he says.

Ellie purses her lips. She pushes past Casey and rushes toward Devon.

Casey growls. He starts pushing the mop.

 

*****

 

The ER seems to move in slow motion. 23 patients need to be seen; a psych patient rips out her IV and starts flinging blood at the housestaff. Ellie walks past them, in a daze. It's a 12-hour shift, but Ellie barely notices.

At the computer terminal, she sees Sarah helping an elderly woman in a wheelchair. "Sarah?"

"Hey, Dr. Bartowski," Sarah says. She glances behind her shoulder and takes Ellie by the arm. "It's my cover," Sarah says. "I'm a pre-med. I'm supposed to be shadowing you."

"It's a 12-hour shift, pre-meds don't stay that long," Ellie says.

"Not unless they're volunteers, like I am," Sarah says. She winks. "Don't worry. We got it all figured out. I'm gung-ho and hungry to get into med school. You're a young attending wanting to show me the ropes. It'll be fine, really."

Ellie frowns. "There was a reason why I didn't do academic medicine," Ellie says.

"You'll be fine," Sarah says. She skips behind a cubicle. "Does anyone want orange juice?"

Ellie leans back against the counter and closes her eyes.

 

*****

 

They go on missions, the three of them. Ellie, Sarah, and Casey. Ellie doesn't like guns and she hides in the car. There's too much violence there. Sometimes Casey has to forcibly drag her out into the field. "Did you flash on anything?" he'd ask. "C'mon, Bartowski. Concentrate!"

And Ellie would squeeze her eyes shut, ducking her head against the gunfire and the knives and the bodies falling all around her.

 

*****

 

"You're a valuable asset to the team, you know that, right?" Sarah asks.

Ellie is hiding in the car again, crouching low in the backseat and trying to ignore the explosions going off in the distance. "I'm a doctor, not a demolitions expert!" Ellie says.

And Sarah laughs, because that's what you do in these kinds of situations.

 

*****

 

Dinner is nothing but awkward glances and even more awkward conversation. Ellie can't even bring herself to muster up the superficial pleasantries expected at the table. "Wow Ellie, this lasagna is fantastic! Where'd you learn to cook this well?" Sarah asks.

Ellie is thankful for Sarah. Posing as her neighbor, Ellie can skip across the courtyard and chill in Sarah's room for a while. Even though she's a spy, Sarah at least can be friendly, dropping by and chatting about superficial girl stuff and (always careful about her cover) asking for advice on medical school.

"She's quite a catch, isn't she?" Casey says, and he wraps his arm around Ellie's shoulder. Ellie stiffens, slightly. She watches Chuck's eyes dart furtively; his brow furrows.

Ellie knows she can never really lie to Chuck.

 

*****

 

"I just don't get why she'd dump Awesome, you know?" Chuck says. "He could be annoying, but he was a good guy! I really thought they would make it through the long haul."

Ellie is eavesdropping by Chuck's bedroom door. They've been talking about her and Casey for almost an hour, now. "Dude I can't believe she cheated on him with a _janitor_ ," Morgan says. "I mean, if a janitor could hook up with her, why not me?"

"Morgan!" She can almost picture Chuck glaring at him.

"I'm just sayin. If a janitor could score, then how about taking a ride on the ol' Grimes mobile, right?" Morgan says. "I mean, I'm working at the Buy More, man, okay, I'm on the rise. An upward ladder. That dude friggin cleans toilets for a living. It's just not right."

"I just wish Awesome would show up and kick his ass," Chuck says. "Did you see how uncomfortable Ellie was? She's totally feeling guilty, I know it."

A hand drops on Ellie's shoulder. She looks up and sees Casey standing behind her.

"You wanna talk?" Casey asks.

 

*****

 

It's a cool night outside, and on the rooftop LA is nothing but patches of speckled lights. Casey doesn't talk. He mostly just sits, eyes squinting and staring out into the horizon. "Tell me about Devon," he says, finally. Ellie stares at her hands.

"I met him in med school. We met in an epidemiology class. He said LL Bean stole the color from my eyes." Ellie blinks, slowly. "I thought I would marry him," Ellie says. "That we'd work in the same hospital and have babies and spend the rest of our lives together."

Casey watches, silent.

"It's not fair," Ellie says. "I didn't ask for this."

"I know," Casey says. He stands and claps her on the shoulder, before offering her his hand.

 

*****

 

Sometimes Sarah would call in the middle of the night, concerned. "Ellie you're crying," Sarah says. "How about I come over?" And Sarah will climb through the crack in Ellie's window (because like Chuck, Ellie's developed the habit), and will bring over ice cream and old movies and ask her how she's feeling. "Like crap," Ellie would say. And Sarah would nod and listen, because that's what friends do.

Ellie likes to pretend Sarah knows she's feeling bad because they're good friends, not because she's sitting up watching her on the surveillance camera.

 

*****

 

"I think it's time we talk about your cover," General Beckman says.

Ellie sits on her hands. "What do you mean?" Ellie says. She glances at Casey, then at Sarah.

"It's been three months and the relationship is not progressing," Beckman says. "Our analysts say if the relationship does not progress after three months, statistically speaking, the couple is headed for a break-up. We'll arrange for Casey to stay overnight, that will dispel any rumblings that you and Casey don't get along," General Beckman says.

"So, what does that mean?" Ellie says. "Casey spends the night? Casey shares my bed?"

"It's part of the mission," General Beckman says.

"I can't believe this," Ellie says.

"Casey has to spend the night, otherwise the cover will be compromised," General Beckman says. "Further, you two _will_ share a bed. If Bartowski's brother were to get in the room, he has to see that she's sleeping with Casey. You have to share a bed to make it believable."

Ellie glances back at Casey, whose jaw is clenched, tight. "Well?" Ellie asks. "You have a say in any of this?"

Casey grunts. "I do what I'm told," Casey says.

Sarah watches them both with sympathetic eyes.

 

****

 

Ellie cleans, because that's how she deals with the stress.

She cleans the bathroom, the livingroom, and the kitchen. Chuck cracks a joke about wanting to impress the new guy. "Not now, Chuck," Ellie says. Chuck slinks back into his room.

She pulls out her lingerie and lays them out on the bed. The General made it clear that she should wear what a girlfriend would wear: some sort of cute little teddy, a barely-there negligee. There's a red one and a black one and there's too many choices and it makes Ellie's head hurt. Ellie grabs her hair and growls. "I hate this!" Ellie says. There's a knock at the door.

"Your brother let me in," Casey says. He glances at the lingerie on the bed, then moves to set up his stuff.

Ellie flops on the bed and stares at the ceiling. "I can't believe we're doing this," Ellie says. She turns and watches as he takes off his coat. "Casey. Please tell me you're as uncomfortable with this as I am."

Casey grunts. "Yeah," Casey says. "I am." He tosses the coat on a chair and sits heavily on the bed.

"My pretend boyfriend," Ellie says. "A man of many words."

They shift and move under the covers; neither of them move to turn off the light.

Ellie falls asleep in her sweatshirt; she forgets about the lingerie.

 

*****

 

John Casey saves Ellie's life at least twice a week.

There's that time the Russian mob boss kidnaps her and threatens to blow her brains out unless he gets the intersect. Then there's the other time when the Taiwanese assassin threatens to blow up LA but ends up targeting Ellie instead.

Ellie is a doctor, she's not a freaking spy. It's a running gag even the most casual of Star Trek fans would get. Pretty soon Casey gets in on the joke, too.

Ellie is handcuffed in a train car with a bomb waiting to go off. After it's defused, Casey grunts. "You're a doctor, not an engineer," and both Ellie and Sarah blink, confused.

"Engineer," Casey repeats. "Like train engineer."

"...oh."

Casey grunts. "Women," he says. He helps Ellie back up to her feet.

 

*****

 

They're intoxicated with truth serum, and Ellie struggles to lift her head.

Casey pets Ellie's hair. Ellie rolls her head toward him. "What are you doing?" Ellie says.

"Your hair is soft," Casey says.

"God, why don't you just tell her?" Sarah says. "We're all gonna die, anyway."

"Tell me what?" Ellie asks.

"That I'm in love with you. Wait! Dammit!" Casey says.

They find the antidote but the damage is already done.

 

*****

 

"Hey, Casey," Ellie says. She pulls her sweater around her chest. "Can we talk?"

Casey grunts. He's cleaning one of his guns. "I'm busy, Bartowski, maybe you should bother someone else," Casey says.

Ellie pulls her sweater tighter. "Casey, about what you said before--"

"I was compromised," Casey says. He snaps the magazine into place. "Maybe you should go talk to Walker."

Ellie softens. "Casey..."

Casey pushes past her and starts loading the bunker. Ellie hovers by the door for a few more minutes before turning to leave.

 

****

 

Ellie is crying in the hospital parking lot. She's sitting on the loading dock steps, crying into a tissue as ambulances and supply trucks roll by. Someone touches her shoulder. "Ellie?"

Ellie looks up. "D-devon?" Her face is splotchy and her eyes are swollen. "What are you doing here?"

"I got called in on an emergency. Jesus, El, what happened?"

"I don't know." Ellie starts to cry again. "Devon, I don't know."

 

******

 

It's Sarah who tracks them down, Ellie and Awesome making love in Awesome's bachelor pad. "You can't stay with him," Sarah says, gently. "It'll compromise the mission."

Ellie nods and stares at her hands. She tries not to notice Casey in the corner, jaw tight and not meeting her eyes.

 

*****

 

They're running from bad guys again, Casey grabbing her arm and pulling her forward. They round a corner toward an alley and Casey pushes her against the wall.

They're flat and they're quiet, Casey's body pressed against hers, and Ellie looks up and sees Casey's face. They're impossibly close, a finger's breadth away. He's not looking at her, though, he's concentrating on the bad guys. Feet pound and they pass right by them. Ellie breathes. Casey turns slowly and meets her eyes.

Sarah comes pounding behind them. "Casey! They're losing ground! You okay?"

"Fine." Casey breaks away, leaving Ellie shaking. "Get the asset. I'll head them off at the pass."

Sarah exchanges places with him and touches Ellie on the arm. "You okay?" Sarah asks.

Ellie nods. "Yeah," she says. Her voice is shaking. "Yeah, fine." Ellie glances behind her and watches as Casey takes down a whole slew of bad guys, knocking them over and holstering back his gun.

 

*****

 

When Ellie finds out her dad is the Intersect and Fulcrum has captured him, it's all Ellie can do to keep from screaming. "We have to rescue him!" she says, but General Beckman is unmoved. "General, _please_!"

"I'm afraid we are too late for that," General Beckman says.

For the first time, Casey goes off-mission. In the car, Ellie asks, "Why are you doing this?"

"Because your father served this country honorably, and I think he deserves better than our government is offering," Casey says.

Ellie nods and says nothing. Casey continues to drive.

Now they stand in a moldy hotel room, staring at the single bed and the bare light-bulb swinging from the ceiling. "I can take the floor," Ellie says, ruefully.

"No, you're a woman. I'll take the floor," Casey says.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ellie asks. Casey grunts.

"Casey! Goddammit! I hate it when you do that!" Ellie says. "You just grunt and snarl and give these nasty looks! What the hell am I supposed to say to that? Should I grunt back? Get in touch with my inner caveman?"

"You want to take the floor? Fine. Take the floor," Casey says. He throws his stuff down and sits on the bed.

Ellie stares. Finally she yanks out an extra bedsheet and spreads it out onto the carpet. Casey rises and grabs it from her. "Hey!" Ellie says.

"You're not sleeping on the floor, it's disgusting. It's covered in semen and cigarette butts," Casey says.

Ellie glowers. "Why are you even here?" Ellie asks.

"I told you. I'm helping your father," Casey says.

"Bullshit," Ellie says. She watches Casey pull off his boots. "Casey, talk to me."

Casey glares and tosses a boot.

"Fine," Ellie says. "Neither of us get the floor."

She watches him on the bed. Casey says nothing. He stares out at the wall.

"I'm going to take a shower," Ellie says. "Then I'm going to sleep. If you just wanna keep sitting here pissed off, that's your prerogative. I'm going to bed."

 

*****

 

Casey is still sitting at the foot of the bed when Ellie gets out of the shower. Wordlessly, she snaps off the light and climbs under the covers.

A few moments pass. The bed sinks beside her and she feels Casey climbing into bed.

Neither of them speak. They fall asleep.

 

*****

 

A watery light filters through the dingy room, and Ellie wakes to the feel of Casey's face pressed against her neck. She shifts slightly. His arm is around her waist, and when she moves, he tightens his grip, breathing deep and pressing her against his chest. He feels warm. Ellie sighs and settles against him, pulling his hand to her face.

Time passes; soon a thick square of light falls on Ellie's face. She blinks, then opens her eyes. Casey is still holding her. Slowly, Ellie turns and faces him. Casey's eyes open. They watch each other for what seem like years before Ellie reaches up and kisses him softly on the mouth.

When the bad guys break in, Casey nearly tears them in half. Behind them, Sarah runs in and points her gun.

 

*****

 

There's a briefing in the war room, and Ellie's on cloud nine. Her father's safe and her life seems to be getting in order. She bounds down the metal steps, smiling. "John?"

The man turns, but he's not John.

Ellie stares at Sarah, who's shaking, slightly.

"As you have already seen, Major Casey has been replaced," General Beckman says. "Team, meet your newest member, Major Rodriguez. He will replace Major Casey as Dr. Bartowski's primary handler."

"Wait, what?" Ellie says. "Where's John? Where is he?"

"He is at an undisclosed area awaiting instructions for his newest mission," General Beckman says. "Now, we have recently received reports--"

"Wait, hold on, John's gone?" Ellie says. "What about my cover? What happened to that?"

"It seems that the two of you had irreconcilable differences," General Beckman says.

Ellie rushes out of the war room. "Ellie, wait!" Sarah says.

"How could she do that?" Ellie says. "How could she uproot my life and expect me to deal with it?"

"Ellie, wait," Sarah says. "It wasn't General Beckman's call," Sarah says.

"What are you talking about? It's always her call," Ellie says. Sarah frowns.

"What?" Ellie asks. "Sarah, what is it?"

Sarah takes a breath. "Casey requested the reassignment," Sarah says.

Ellie stares at her. "What?" Ellie asks.

"He thought...he thought his personal feelings for you would complicate the mission," Sarah says. "He said he put you in danger. That he put you in unnecessary risk--"

"I can't believe this," Ellie says. She turns and starts to walk away.

"He said you should get in touch with Devon," Sarah says. Ellie turns. "Devon actually came by yesterday. He was looking for you. I think it was before Casey decided to leave."

Ellie blinks fast. She holds her arms to her chest and leans against the railing, trying to steady herself from falling. Sarah touches her shoulder.

"I think you should talk to Devon," Sarah says. Ellie nods.

"Okay," Ellie says.

 

*****

 

Ellie is sitting on the couch eating Chunky Monkey and watching Casablanca on TV. It's probably one of the few movies that doesn't make her flash. Ironic, really, seeing as that movie is all about spies. Chuck hovers just beside her. "Hey, sis," Chuck says. Ellie looks up and smiles.

"Hey Chuck," Ellie says. Chuck sits down beside her and digs in a spoon.

"Everything okay?" Chuck asks. Ellie nods.

"Yeah," Ellie says. "As okay as it can be, I guess."

Chuck smiles, and it makes Ellie sick lying to him. As far as Chuck and everyone else knows, Ellie and John have just broken up. Although if Ellie thinks about it hard enough, it's practically as if they had; John had been her shadow for over two years; that he isn't there anymore is still disconcerting. "Hey have you talked to Awesome recently?" Chuck asks.

Ellie shakes her head. "No," Ellie says. "I don't know how he'd forgive me, after what I did to him."

"You might be surprised. He's a pretty forgiving guy," Chuck says.

Ellie doesn't say anything. On TV, the image flickers; the black-and-white lovers stare into each others' eyes. "Hey you're not thinking of dating that Rodriguez dude, are you?" Chuck asks. "Cuz honestly, he's _way_ scarier than John."

Ellie stifles a laugh. "More Chunky Monkey?" Ellie asks.

"You bet," Chuck says. He passes her the carton and leans against the couch.

 


	2. Ellie vs The Relationship

Her brother's dating for once: a sandwich shop girl named Lou or Jo or something equally quirky and ambiguous. Ellie watches as Chuck races around the house, trying on different shirts and generally Freaking Out. "Ellie, Ellie Ellie, what about this? Does this make me look good?" Chuck says. "Or does this scream Buy More Employee _trying_ to look good?"

"It's fine," Ellie says. 

"Really?" Chuck says.

"Yeah. It brings out the color in your eyes," Ellie says.

Chuck grins and bounds happily back to his bedroom. 

There's a knock at the door: it's Casey. He's carrying flowers. "Here," Casey says. He shoves the flowers against Ellie's chest and walks in. 

"Wow, what romance. Thanks, Casey," Ellie says.

"Don't get used to it. It's only because you're dragging me on this double date, remember?" Casey says.

"Last time I checked, that's part of the whole 'pretend boyfriend' deal," Ellie says. "Wow. You look....nice. Is that aftershave?"

Casey growls. Chuck comes out of his room wearing the shirt Ellie picked.

"Oh, hey John," Chuck says. "So, you two lovebirds ready for the night of your life? Huh?"

Chuck gives Casey a playful punch on the arm. Casey glares. "Uh, guys, how about some wine, yeah?" Ellie says. She pulls Casey down the hall. 

"I thought we talked about this," Ellie says. "You have to act _nice_. You can't keep scaring my brother like that."

"I didn't do anything," Casey says.

"You gave him the Death Glare. No more death glare, okay?" Ellie says.

Casey grunts. "Fine," Casey says.

The doorbell rings. "That must be Lou!" Chuck says. He jumps happily for the door. Ellie watches silently as Chuck and Lou hug and kiss, Chuck resting his arm around her shoulder. "Hey guys, you remember Lou?"

"Yeah, hi," Ellie says.

Lou waves. "I brought sandwiches," Lou says, and Chuck scoops her up for a kiss.

Ellie and Casey stand, awkwardly. "Great," Casey says. Ellie frowns.

 

*****

 

They're playing board games on the couch, Ellie sitting awkwardly beside Casey while Chuck and Lou sit and smile.

"Wow, good move!" Chuck says, and Lou snuggles up against him. They're laughing and cuddling, and Ellie looks up at Casey, expectantly. 

"Uh..." Casey awkwardly pats Ellie on the head. He forces a smile. Then he turns his attention back on the board game. 

"So guys," Lou says. She's sitting on Chuck's lap, her arms around his shoulders. "How did you two meet?"

"Um..." Ellie and Casey exchange glances. "In the hospital," Ellie says. "We met in the hospital."

"Yeah," Casey says.

"Oh. So you two work together?" Lou asks.

"Lou, let's not talk about it," Chuck says, quietly.

"Why, what's wrong?" Lou asks. 

Chuck tosses the dice. "Hey guys! Looks like someone's the king of monopoly! Okay I'm gonna get us some drinks. Lou you wanna help?" Chuck makes that face Ellie knows means, 'I-need-to-talk-to-you', and he pulls Lou into the kitchen.

Casey's eyes narrow. "What do you think they're talking about?" Casey asks.

"Oh, you know. Probably that you and I cheated on Devon and how I'm still secretly feeling guilty for leaving him," Ellie says. 

Casey grunts. "Huh," Casey says. Ellie glares.

"You know, you could make things a little easier for me. It's hard to be believable when you won't even sit next to me, you could stand to be a little more affectionate," Ellie says.

Casey stares. "Like how?" A warning in his voice.

"You know..." Ellie glances back at Chuck and Lou, who are speaking in furtive voices. "Like how Chuck and Lou are. They're so comfortable with each other. It's no wonder Chuck knows something's wrong, you can barely stand to touch me."

"What, you want to sit on my lap or something?" Casey says. "Keep it in your pants, Bartowski, it's just a cover."

"Yeah, well it's a shitty cover if you ask me," Ellie says.

"Hey guys! We made sangria! Anyone want some?" Chuck asks.

Ellie shoots Casey a look. He dutifully scoots closer. 

 

*****

 

Ellie's in her room brushing her hair when there's a knock at her bedroom door. "Come in," Ellie says.

It's Chuck. He opens the door a crack and pokes his head in. "Hey sis. Bad time?"

"No, it's fine, what's up?" Ellie asks. Chuck closes the door and sits down next to her. "So, Lou seems nice," Ellie says. "I'm really happy for you, Chuck. You two look like a good couple."

"Yeah, she really is great," Chuck says. He digs his toe against the carpet and stares at his hands. "Ellie can I ask you something?"

"Of course," Ellie says.

"Are you and John....happy?" Chuck asks.

"What?"

"I mean, it's just..." Chuck pauses, as if searching for the right words. "Ellie you two seemed a little off, tonight," Chuck says. "And to be honest, you two always seemed to be that way. And I'm not saying I know what goes on in your relationship, but I'm just wondering if he makes you happy."

Ellie sags. "Chuck it's complicated," Ellie says.

"Ellie it doesn't have to be," Chuck says. "Look, I know what happened with Devon was awful, and you feel guilty and horrible and everything, but if you left him for John....well John has to have something that makes you happy, right?"

Ellie stares at her hands. The night she left Devon, she had gotten orders from General Beckman saying that if she didn't leave, they'd find a way to _make_ him leave. And Ellie didn't want to see Devon hurt. 

Wetness wells up at the corner of her eyes.

"Hey," Chuck says. "Hey hey, Ellie, hey..." Chuck touches her shoulder. "Ellie, don't cry, okay? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--"

"No, Chuck, it's okay," Ellie says. "You're right. He doesn't make me happy." Ellie wrings her shirt in her hands. "But I can't end things," Ellie says. "Chuck believe me, I can't."

"He doesn't treat you well, Ellie," Chuck says. "Ellie, he's using you. I didn't want to say this, but you don't know what kinds of things is going through that man's head--"

"Chuck, please," Ellie says.

"No, El, I think you need to hear this," Chuck says. "I don't like him, Ellie. I don't like him and I don't like that you're dating him. Ellie you _know_ I wouldn't meddle in your life unless it was something really important, and I just have this gut feeling that this is really bad."

Ellie glances up at the hidden camera hidden behind the molding on the ceiling. She knows just across the courtyard, Sarah is undoubtedly recording the conversation and watching the two of them on the monitor. For once, Ellie is glad it's Sarah monitoring them, instead of Casey. Sarah would know how to be discreet.

"Look Ellie, I just don't want to see you get hurt," Chuck says. Ellie smiles.

"I know," Ellie says. And she wonders how her face looks on the monitor.

 

*****

 

Later that night, Sarah climbs through Ellie's window. "Ellie you okay?" she asks.

"I'm fine...I just had a rough night," Ellie says. Sarah frowns.

"I heard what your brother was saying. Do you want to talk about it?" Sarah asks. Ellie shakes her head.

"Not really," Ellie says. "It's just it's hard pretending to be in a relationship with someone who can't stand you."

"That's not true." Sarah hesitates. "You know, for what it's worth, he really does like you--he likes you a lot--but I think he's just trying to be professional," Sarah says.

"Yeah," Ellie says. "Sure."

Sarah hovers by the window. "You sure you're going to be okay?" Sarah asks.

"Yeah," Ellie says. "I guess."

Ellie lapses into silence, waiting until Sarah finally turns and leaves.

 

*****

 

They're running from the bad guys again, Casey grabbing Ellie's arm and yanking her forward. Something explodes and Ellie slams onto the ground.

"Bartowski!" Casey doubles back and rushes toward her. "Bartowski! You okay?"

"Uh..." Ellie looks down at her leg, which is spurting blood. "I'm bleeding," Ellie says. "Oh god..."

"It's okay, just breathe." Casey's pulling off his belt and looping it around her thigh. "It's just a flesh wound, you'll be fine."

"It hurts," Ellie says. She starts to cry.

"Hey," Casey says. He grabs Ellie by the arm. "Hey!" 

Ellie cries harder, gulping for air. "Casey..."

"You're going to be fine," Casey says. "Bartowski! Get a hold of yourself, you're a doctor, you're going to be _fine_!" 

He pulls her up but Ellie's leg buckles. She pitches forward, but Casey catches her. "C'mon Bartowksi, we gotta move--"

"I can't," Ellie says. 

Casey glances behind him. "We gotta go! We gotta go _now_!" Casey heaves her against his chest and runs.

Something explodes, throwing them both forward. 

Ellie passes out.

 

*****

 

Ellie wakes to Casey hovering above her. "Bartowski," Casey says. "Hey, hey."

He slaps her lightly on the cheeks. Ellie coughs. She's covered in a fine film of sweat, and her vision is blurry. "Where am I?" Ellie asks.

"We're underground. Here, drink this." He puts a canteen to her lips and Ellie drinks. "They're still above us," Casey says. "But if we lie low for a little while, we should be okay."

"Is Sarah all right?" Ellie asks.

"Walker's fine; she made it back to base," Casey says. Ellie tries to sit up, but the pain wrenches through her. Ellie cries out. "Easy," Casey says. Ellie starts to cry.

Ellie sobs. Fat tears roll down her cheeks and Ellie just feels stupid. Stupid and useless with the Intersect stuck in her head. And Casey's just sitting there watching, face pinched and saying nothing.

"You must think I'm pathetic," Ellie says.

"No," Casey says. "No, I think you're doing admirably. You're a civilian. You're doing more than what's expected of you."

Casey falls quiet, and Ellie stops crying. Tears are still falling, though, and she reaches up and wipes them away.

"Hey," Casey says. He pulls her forward. "Hey, hey."

Ellie looks up at him. For once he looks almost concerned. 

"Pull it together, Bartowski," Casey says, but it's comforting this time, and he lets her press her face against his chest. "You're going to be fine."

 

*****

 

"Ellie! Oh my god, Ellie!" 

Chuck rushes into the hospital room, pushing past Sarah and John. "They said you were in a car accident," Chuck says. "Are you okay?"

Ellie nods. "Yeah," Ellie says. She looks up toward John and squeezes his hand. "John helped me," Ellie says, and she smiles."He was amazing."

Chuck glances at John, who's watching her with barely masked worry on his face. 

When the nurse ushers them out, Chuck peeks around the corridor and follows John back out. "Hey, John," Chuck says. John turns. "Hey, buddy. I was wondering if we could talk. You know. Mano a mano...."

John glares. "Or not," Chuck says. "Or...hey buddy, uh. Yeah I'm just gonna go over here...."

Chuck turns quickly. "Weirdo," Chuck mumbles. 

"Hey Chuck."

Chuck turns around. John is standing at the end of the corridor. "I care about your sister," John says, finally. "I may not be the most vocal person. But I do care."

Chuck nods. "Thanks," Chuck says. "Seriously, thank you for that." 

John turns and starts to walk away.

"Uh...bye, John," Chuck says. He frowns. "I seriously don't get that guy," Chuck says. He turns and heads back to his car.


	3. Ellie vs. Seduction School

"My god, it's like trying to teach a rhino how to dance," Roan says. "You need to have some _finesse_ , Major Casey. You can't just stomp around, pounding your chest like a bloody caveman!" Casey glares. Roan groans. "Good lord. My head is starting to hurt," Roan says. "I think I need a drink...."

They're at Roan Montgomery's place, a real James Bond type. He's training Casey in the art of seduction--something to do with wooing a Black Widow and getting access to a cipher. Sarah left to do recon on the hotel, so Ellie is left to sit at the bar, watching as Casey humiliates himself, over and over again. The latest insult is the Martini Sipping lesson, which Casey manages to blunder (again). "And you wonder why I failed you twice," Roan says.

"You failed me because of my partner, I can seduce people just fine," Casey says. Roan raises his eyebrows. Ellie surpresses a giggle.

"Ah, ma chérie," Roan says. He takes Ellie by the hand. "A beautiful woman all alone. Agent Casey. Why don't you do us the honor and demonstrate your...technique. If you can, that is," Roan says.

Casey blinks. "With Bartowski?" Casey asks.

"You are uncomfortable with her, I could sense it when you walked in together," Roan says. "Agent Walker tells me you are in a cover relationship together. Tell me: how is that going?"

Casey growls.

"Let me back things up a bit, shall we?" Roan says. "Have you kissed this lovely woman before?"

"Of course," Casey says.

"As your cover?" Roan says.

"Yes." Casey's eyes narrow.

"Well how about a demonstration?" Roan says.

Ellie glances back at Casey, whose shoulders are starting to tense. "I really don't see the point," Casey says.

"The _point_ ," Roan says, "is that you're going to seduce a very sophisticated, very erudite and very _deadly_ woman. If you can't muster up a simple kiss with your partner, how can you expect to seduce the target? Answer me _that_ , Agent Casey."

"Casey." Ellie touches his arm. "It's okay," Ellie says. "Just get it over with."

Casey frowns. Awkwardly, he dips forward and pecks Ellie on the cheek. "There," Casey says.

"Pathetic," Roan says.

"I kissed her, didn't I?" Casey says.

"The way you would kiss a geriatric woman; Agent Casey, this is a red-blooded female. An attractive, green-eyed vixen, just _waiting_ to be taken and ravished...and you're just going to peck her on the cheek?" Roan says. "Tell me, are you attracted to her?"

"Of course not," Casey says. Ellie's eyes widen. Casey glances at her and backpeddles. "I mean, objectively, maybe. But I'm her handler--I'm not supposed to find her attractive," Casey says.

"Fair enough. How about this? I demonstrate on our young miss first; I'll show you the proper way to kiss, and then you follow. How does that sound?"

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Casey says. Roan beams.

"Good!" Roan says. "Then let's begin." He stands in front of Ellie. "Stand--like so!--just a finger's breadth away. Concentrate on her lips; see how they part, just aching to be touched. And with your hand, carefully brush back the hair from her face. She's in my sights now, she's pliant, just waiting to be taken! And just lean forward, and...."

And Roan kisses Ellie. It's a soft kiss, a nice kiss, and she melts a little before Roan parts.

"And that," Roan says. "Is how you kiss a woman." Casey rolls his eyes. "Care to take your turn, Major?"

Casey clenches his jaw. "I apologize for this in advance," Casey says.

"No apologies! Just do it," Roan says. Ellie (again) tries not to laugh.

Casey moves close. Awkwardly, he puts his hand against the small of Ellie's back. He brings her closer. "Good," Roan says. "Now brush the hair from her face. Remember what I taught you--"

"Okay, this is ridiculous, I'm not doing this," Casey says.

Roan sighs and rolls his eyes. "Agent Casey," Roan says. "How can you _possibly_ expect to seduce the black widow when you can't even kiss your own partner? We are all counting on you! You have no choice. Now do it: kiss her!"

Casey does, and it's _awkward_. Roan frowns.

"Perhaps he should try kissing the other agent," Roan says, and he dials Sarah's number.

 

*****

 

They're spending the night at Ellie's place again; as a part of the cover relationship, Casey and Ellie alternate sleeping over at each other's places. When she's at Casey's, Casey takes the pull-out couch while Ellie sleeps in the other room; at her place, however, they're obliged to share the same bed; it's a necessary evil, one that keeps their cover from being blown in case her brother accidentally wanders in the room.

Chuck and Lou aren't home yet, so Casey and Ellie have the place to themselves. "So Sarah says you finally kissed her," Ellie says. "How was it?"

Casey's eyes narrow. "It was a kiss," Casey says. Ellie twists her sleeves. "But Walker kisses everybody. It doesn't really count."

He tosses a pillow on the bed and sits next to her, heavily. Ellie turns. "Are you nervous?" Ellie asks.

"Nervous about what?"

"About tomorrow's mission," Ellie says. "You're supposed to seduce the Black Widow. You think you can do it?"

Casey grunts. "Of course I can," Casey says. And then. "Well...maybe."

"Do you want to practice?" Ellie asks.

"Practice what?" Casey pulls off a boot.

"Kissing," Ellie says. Casey stares at her.

"Don't be an idiot," Casey says, but Ellie can tell he's embarrassed. He lays down and yanks up the covers.

Time passes. It's quiet outside, and inside there's nothing but the ticking of the clock on Ellie's nightstand. Ellie is about to fall asleep when Casey turns. "Bartowski?"

"Hmm?"

"Were you...serious?" Casey asks. "About letting me practice?"

"Yeah, whatever you need," Ellie says. She shifts her weight away from him and moves to turn on the light.

"Wait," Casey says. "Leave it off."

Ellie knits her brow. "Why?" Ellie asks.

Casey doesn't answer at first, and then: "It's too much like a spotlight."

"...oh."

"Like in an interrogation," Casey says.

"I see," Ellie says. She touches Casey's hip; he doesn't seem to notice. Finally, he shifts his body to the other side so that he's facing her fully; the bedsheets rustle with the movement, and Ellie realizes they're lying awfully close to each other. She catches her breath when he reaches out to brush the hair from her face. He's looking at her lips. "Casey..."

They kiss. It's softer and a lot less awkward this time--perfect, actually--and when they finally break apart, Ellie remembers to breathe.

"Well that was better," Ellie says. And Casey's looking at her with narrow eyes. He's breathing hard and suddenly they're kissing _again_ , harder now, hungrier, the palms of his hands pressing hard against her back. Ellie rolls over and it's only when Casey's on top of her that they realize _oh my god what the hell are we doing?_ and the shock of it wrenches them apart. Casey jerks away and Ellie pulls the covers around her, tight.

"Casey--"

"Don't look at me!" Casey says. He shoves a pillow between his legs. "Bartowski," Casey says, through gritted teeth. "This didn't happen!"

"Casey I'm sorry--"

"Goddamn Roan!" Casey says. "I can't believe I...Fuck me. Like a goddamn amateur..."

"Casey it happens," Ellie says. Then, a little desperately, "I'm a doctor, I've elicited erections before!"

Casey's eyes widen.

"I mean, in the ER, of course," Ellie says, quickly. "Just yesterday I was giving a rectal, and the patient got a little too excited about having my finger up his butt. This stuff happens! And don't even get me started on hernia exams," Ellie says. "Sometimes they salute you, and you just gotta act professional...."

"Did you just call a hard-on a 'salute'?" Casey asks. Ellie stares at him from the bed.

"Maybe," Ellie says. She bites her lip. "C'mon, Casey. You're a guy. Whatever. It happens. Just come back to bed."

Casey stares. "It doesn't mean anything?"

"No," Ellie says. "It doesn't."

"This doesn't compromise our relationship?"

"Of course not," Ellie says. "I could make your balls jump too, that doesn't mean anything either." Casey's eyes widen. "Cremaster reflex," Ellie says. "ER doc, remember?"

"What about Walker?" Casey says. "This whole thing is on surveillance, what about that?"

"She's probably asleep. And Sarah's super nice, if I ask her to erase tonight's tapes, she will. She's done it before," Ellie adds. "Not all of my life is subject to eyes of the US government."

Ellie watches Casey still fighting his embarrassment. He puts on a stoic face. "And you're okay with this?" Casey says. "With what happened?"

"It's biology," Ellie says, lamely. "Casey come to bed. Okay? We can pretend this never happened."

Reluctantly, Casey moves back from the floor and sits heavily on the bed. It's a few minutes before he lays down again, pulling the blanket around his shoulders. Hesitantly, Ellie touches his shoulder. Casey jerks away, as if he's been branded by a hot poker. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I don't know," Ellie says. Her fingers sink into his shoulder and she pulls herself closer to him. "Spooning you, I guess. In case Chuck comes in."

Casey clenches his jaw, but he relaxes against her, lets her pull herself against his back and rest her arm around his waist. "As long as this is just for cover," Casey says.

"It is," Ellie says. Impulsively, she plants a little kiss on Casey's shoulder. It's the most natural thing in the world. "Goodnight, Casey."

"Goodnight," Casey says, and Ellie gives him a little squeeze.

She falls asleep with her face pressed up between his shoulder blades.


	4. Ellie vs Sugar Bear

Casey and Ilsa are spending the night together. Ellie wrings her hands. All this time, she had prodded Casey to go after her--"she's the love of your life! You can't let her get away!"--and now the mission's over and the Russians are in jail, but Ilsa's still here and _they're spending the night together_ , and Ellie keeps vacillating between wanting to cry and wanting to throw up.

There's a knock at the window. "Ellie?" Sarah pushes up the window and climbs in. "Hey Sarah," Ellie says.

"Hey," Sarah says. "It's 3 AM. You're not sleeping."

"I know," Ellie says. She smiles weakly. "I'm just a little jittery. I mean, people could be breaking in, you know...."

It's a bad joke, and Sarah frowns. "Ellie you look awful," Sarah says. "You want to talk about it?"

"Not really," Ellie says. Sarah folds her hands on her lap.

"I can stay here, if it'll make you feel better," Sarah says. "I mean, I have to stay up anyway. We could watch a movie or something."

"Doesn't someone have to check out the perimeter?" Ellie asks. 

Sarah smiles and pulls out her phone. "There's a video feed that links real time images to my iPhone. It'll be fine," Sarah says. Ellie stares at her hands. "Hey," Sarah says. "Listen. Casey wouldn't do anything to blow your cover, I promise. They're probably just catching up--"

"Sarah he loved her," Ellie says. She sounds more bitter than she means to be. "You didn't see the stuff that flashed through my head," Ellie says. "Old love letters; security feeds....you didn't see how Casey reacted when I told him her name." Ellie swallows. "I don't know why I'm feeling this way," Ellie says.

"You're jealous," Sarah says, gently. "Casey's been your handler for almost a year now, and...well we both know feelings are bound to happen." 

"What?" Ellie looks up. "What do you mean?"

"Ellie." Sarah hesitates, searching for the right words. "You're falling in love with him, aren't you?"

Ellie's first reaction is to deny it, to jump up and say Sarah is being completely ridiculous, and to usher her out the window and go to bed. But Sarah is being a friend right now, and what she's saying is true.

A tear slips down Ellie's face. "You must think I'm so stupid," Ellie says. 

"No," Sarah says. "No, Ellie, you're not. It's time and it's proximity and you're with each other 24 hours of the day. Casey and I are spies, they _teach_ us to separate our emotions, but you're a civilian and to be confused is expected! Ellie don't feel bad," Sarah says. "It happens. It happened to me and Bryce. You can't help it."

Ellie stares at her hands. "How did you know?" Ellie says, quietly.

"Your eyes light up whenever he enters the room," Sarah says. "I've seen it on the monitor, too."

Ellie takes a breath. "Does Casey know?" Ellie asks. Sarah shakes her head.

"No," Sarah says. "No, Casey has the emotional IQ of a bath sponge, I don't think he's noticed anything."

Ellie stifles a laugh. Sarah smiles. "You gonna be okay?" Sarah asks.

Ellie nods. "Yeah," Ellie says. Sarah stands.

"Good," Sarah says. "Because there's a movie on and I think we should watch."

 

*****

 

The next morning, Ellie goes to the bathroom and splashes cold water on her face. There are dark circles on her eyes and her skin is pale. She starts to get ready to shower when there's a knock at the door. 

It's Casey. "You haven't slept," Casey says. Ellie offers him a small smile.

"Yeah," Ellie says. "I guess I was a little jumpy last night. Some terrorist goon could have broken in, and I didn't have my badass NSA handler to cover for me. I mean, I know Sarah was on surveillance last night, but..." Ellie trails off. "I guess I'm not used to sleeping by myself anymore," Ellie says.

She watches Casey, wonders if he believes her. "How is Ilsa?" Ellie asks. 

"She's fine," Casey says. It's brusque; she knows he doesn't want to elaborate.

Ellie forces herself to be chipper; she slips into Big Sister Mode, talking to him the way she would normally talk to Chuck. "I want details! Did you do anything romantic? Make her dinner...?"

"We just talked." Casey's eyes narrow. "She's leaving," Casey says. "Going in deep for her next assignment. I probably won't see her again."

"Oh?" Inwardly Ellie kicks herself. Her response was too casual. "I'm sorry," Ellie amends. "I mean, at least you know she's alive....and you two were together."

Her voice dips; she feels like she's going to cry. "I think I should shower," Ellie says, but Casey catches her arm.

"Bartowski," Casey says. Ellie stops. His fingers dig a little into the skin of her arm. "I didn't sleep with her," Casey says, finally. Ellie stares. "I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize our cover," Casey says. 

Ellie is stunned. She reels backward, slightly. "But she's the love of your life," Ellie says. "Aren't you going to regret it?"

"I don't regret anything, Bartowski," Casey says. He's standing close, and she can feel the warmth rising behind her eyes. "Bartowski. Do you understand?"

Ellie nods and wipes her eyes. She feels dizzy. She starts to lean forward but Casey takes her by the arm. "Let's sit you down," Casey says. He guides her to the couch. Wordlessly, he settles her against his chest and holds her a bit. Ellie doesn't have to be told it's for cover; Chuck could walk in at any minute and Ellie's a mess. "Are you alright?" Casey asks. Ellie nods against his shirt. 

"You should sleep," Casey says. "You look like hell."

Ellie feels his hand on her head; he's exerting a gentle pressure against her skull. Ellie nods again and closes her eyes.

 

****

 

Ellie wakes when the doors open and Chuck steps into the room. "Oh hey John," Chuck says. "Still here?" He sets down a bag of groceries and wanders into the kitchen. 

Ellie looks up. There's an old black and white movie on TV with the volume turned down, and his shirt is wrinkled where Ellie was resting her head. "How long was I asleep?" Ellie asks. 

"A few hours," Casey says. Ellie reaches up and feels the drool on the side of her face, and wipes it off, sheepishly. 

"Sorry," Ellie says. Casey's eyes are smiling. Ellie looks up and sees Chuck rounding the corner. Ah, right. Cover mode.

"So. What have you two lovebirds been up to?" Chuck asks. He plops down next to Ellie on the couch, opening a bag of cheetos. "Geez Ellie, you look like you've been run over by a steam truck. I thought last night was your night off?"

"Your sister was up all night worried I was with someone else," Casey says. Ellie's eyes widen. "But I told her she was being ridiculous." Chuck nods, knowingly.

"Ellie, John wouldn't do anything like that," Chuck says. "The guy let you drool all over him for the last few hours. I think you two are fine."

Chuck pops a cheeto in his mouth. Funny; when he first met Casey, he knew there was something off about the relationship. Lately though he seems more relaxed. Ellie thinks back to last night, and what Sarah said: _Your eyes light up whenever he enters the room_. Chuck's probably noticed, too. In his mind, she and Casey are finally a couple, and he's probably happy for her.

Chuck finishes his cheetos and wipes his hands off the seat of his pants. He wanders back to the kitchen, but Ellie catches up. "Hey, Chuck?"

Chuck turns. "Yeah Ellie? What's up?"

"Can I ask you something?" Ellie glances back at Casey, who's still sitting on the couch. "You didn't like Casey before, remember?" Ellie says. "But I notice you two are getting along now. What's changed?"

Chuck shrugs. "I dunno," Chuck says. "I guess I thought he was in it for the wrong reasons. But he really cares about you. That's all I care about."

Ellie crosses her arms. "You really think so?" Ellie asks.

"Ellie, the guy's completely in love with you! I mean, look at him. He just spent the last few hours watching you sleep," Chuck says.

Ellie blinks. "What? I thought he was watching the movie--"

"He was stroking your hair and looking all worried and everything," Chuck says. Ellie glances back at Casey. "I mean, do you see the way he looks at you? You can't fake that," Chuck says.

Time and proximity. Ellie swallows. She thinks about Sarah and Bryce, and how it happened to them, too. 

There's a knot in Ellie's stomach and Chuck seems to sense it, because he touches Ellie's shoulder. "Hey, listen to your brother, here," Chuck says. "I don't know what you guys were fighting about, but you're a good couple, and whatever it is, it's not worth throwing that away."

Ellie nods. Chuck walks back out into the living room and Ellie follows. Wordlessly she sits next to Casey and leans against his arm.


	5. Ellie vs The Night Off

There was a carnival in town, and Bartowski's brother suggested they all double date together before it shuts down. "I love carnivals!" Lou said, and Chuck squeezed her shoulders. "Don't you guys love carnivals?"

Casey glanced at Ellie, who was frowning slightly. "I think I'll pass," Ellie said.

"Ellie c'mon, you love carnivals," Chuck said. 

"Yes, I _know_ , but..." Ellie trailed off. "Sorry guys. I guess I'm just not feeling up to it."

"Okay, well..." Chuck frowned at Lou. "I guess we'll just head off now, then. See you later."

"Bye, Chuck." Ellie closed her eyes.

After the door closed, Casey leaned over, slightly. "Bartowski, what the hell was that? I thought you _liked_ dragging me to all those things."

"Yeah, well, maybe I'm sick of doing all the dragging," Ellie said. She rubbed her temples. "Casey I'm sorry. I'm just worn out. I just had a bunch of Russian mobsters shoot at me for the last two hours and I've got a headache. I guess I don't feel much like playing pretend girlfriend right now."

Casey frowned. Bartowski _had_ been working hard, lately. The beauty about her being an ER doctor was, she did shift work--a string of 12-hour shifts, then a string of 12 hours off to follow. Bartowski gamely worked ten night shifts in a row, only to spend her days being chased by Fulcrum agents. She barely slept. "You're working the day shift tomorrow, right?" Casey asked.

Ellie groaned. "Please don't tell me we have another mission," Ellie said. "I don't think I can take it."

Casey glanced over at the kitchen; dishes were piled high and judging from the amount of take-out containers stacked by the garbage, there really wasn't much in the way of food. Casey grunted. "Wait here," Casey said. But Ellie was already asleep, curled up against the headrest of the couch.

 

*****

 

Casey was in the middle of browning the chicken when Ellie finally woke up. "Oh my God, that smells delicious," Ellie said. "Chuck did you bring leftovers?"

She poked her head over the couch. "Oh my God, _Casey_?"

Casey added the chicken stock and grunted. "What? You act like you've never seen anyone cook before," Casey said.

"Yes, but...." Ellie's eyes widened. "Is that a _coq au vin_?" Ellie asked. Her eyes traced a line from the half-used bottle of brandy to the mushrooms and onions on the counter. "Casey?"

"It's chicken," Casey said. He stirred the pot. "Don't look so shocked. Anyone with half a brain can cook."

Ellie's face split into a huge grin. "This is probably the nicest thing you've ever done for me," Ellie said. 

"Don't get used to it, I just felt sorry for you is all," Casey said. He turned and checked on the oven.

"You're making dessert, too?" Ellie pushed past him and opened the oven. "Pecan pie!" Ellie said. "Oh my God, I _love_ pecan pie!" 

Casey's eyes narrowed. "Bartowski, I'm trying to concentrate--"

"Oh, sorry!" Ellie bit her knuckles. "I'll go and take a shower then," Ellie said. She clapped her hands, giddy as a schoolgirl. "My pretend boyfriend is baking me pecan pie!"

"Yeah yeah," Casey said. He put on a lid and turned the heat down to simmer.

 

*****

 

Bartowski was just a little too excited about the whole thing. When she finally came out of her room, she had put on a little black dress and blow-dried her hair; it fell loosely around her shoulders. "Don't look at me like that, I just want to feel girly for once," Ellie said. Casey made a note of it. 

Ellie struck a match and lit candles on the table. "God, I haven't used these candles in ages," Ellie said. "This is so nice, Casey. Really."

Casey grunted. "Here." He set the serving dish on the table. 

Ellie sat at the table, but Casey spooned himself a plate and sat on the couch. Ellie turned, her face furrowing. "You're not going to eat with me?"

"It's more comfortable on the couch," Casey said. He glanced back at Bartowski; that dress really was out of place, and the hair was blow-dried for no good reason at all, and what the hell was she thinking when she lit those candles, it's a fire hazard. Her shoulders slumped a little, and she tugged at the neckline of her dress, covering up her cleavage. 

"Aw, hell," Casey said. He moved and sat next to her. 

"Sorry," Ellie said. She picked at her food. "I just...it's been a long time, you know, since anyone was that nice to me. I just got a little excited." She crossed her arms. "Maybe I should change--"

"No," Casey said. Ellie looked up. "Bartowski you look...nice. A little overdressed, but that's fine." Bartowski's face fell. _Not_ the right thing to say. "You look beautiful," Casey said. "And it's hard to keep objective when you're dressed like that. Particularly when there's candlelight and perfume and everything."

Ellie flushed. "You really think so?" Ellie asked. Her eyes were bright and her lips parted a little.

Dammit. He hated it when she did that. "Didn't anyone tell you it's rude to fish for compliments?" Casey said. He stabbed his fork into the chicken. "Eat your dinner."

Ellie smiled, shyly. "Thank you, Casey," Ellie said. She reached over and kissed him on the cheek. "This was really nice."

Casey cleared his throat. "Good," Casey said. He pushed around his peas with his fork.

 

*****

 

Since Bartowski was already dressed, and since the night was a pretty nice night, Casey thought, what the hell, might as well take her out and show her off a bit. Plus, it offended him that Bartowski considered a pot of chicken to be "really nice." Chicken isn't anything nice. Chicken is _chicken_. Maybe the losers she dated in the past thought chicken was a good time, but hell if he was one of them. 

"John, this is fantastic," Ellie said. They were slipping into cover mode again. If Casey thought about it too much, it bothered him slightly how easy it was becoming. Sometimes even when her brother wasn't around and they didn't _need_ to be pretending, Casey found himself reflexively putting his arm around her waist or pressing a hand to her shoulder after a hard mission. Casey didn't even realize he was doing it until one day Sarah made a loud, pointed clearing of her throat.

The night was cool, and the neighborhood was quiet. Casey put an arm around Ellie's shoulders and pulled her close. 

"Mmm. Chuck isn't here, I thought you liked to keep things separate," Ellie said. Casey rubbed her arm.

"You're the one wearing the dress," Casey said. He was enjoying himself. "We're in public, Bartowski, and we're clearly a couple. People would think it odd that I didn't put my arm around you."

"I guess we all have to make sacrifices," Ellie said. She leaned against him.

They turned a corner; a man in a suit and a gold chain walked past them. Bartowski's eyes rolled back. She clutched Casey's hand. 

"Bartowski." Casey gripped her tight. "Bartowski? What is it? Did you flash?"

Her head popped back up and Ellie blinked, fast. "That guy. The charm around his neck....it's Armenian. The Red Dragon. Something about a bomb...?"

Ellie's eyes widened. "There's going to be a bomb at the carnival," Ellie said. 

"We need to call this in," Casey said. 

So much for a good time.

 

*****

 

They spent the entire night chasing bad guys, tearing down LA in a high speed car chase before breaking into the giant ferris wheel to defuse the bomb. Sarah and Casey reported back to the Castle but Ellie had to leave; her 7 AM shift was about to start. She looked like she was about to cry.

"Hey." Casey took her by the arm. "You alright, Bartowski?"

"I'm just so _tired_ ," Ellie said. Her lower lip quivered. "I don't think I can do this anymore."

Sarah glanced up at Casey, folding her arms. "Maybe you can switch with someone?" Sarah said. Ellie shook her head.

"I _can't_ ," Ellie said. "I've already switched my schedule three times already, and my coworkers already warned me about flaking out again."

Casey grunted. "I'll drive you to work," Casey said. He tried to ignore that worried look on Sarah's face.

 

*****

 

Ellie looked positively frazzled when Casey visited her in the ER. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her hands were shaking slightly from all the coffee she must have drank to stay awake. "I'm already behind, tell the General whatever it is, she can wait," Ellie said. She pushed a gurney out of the way and walked briskly toward the next cubicle.

"Bartowski." Ellie looked up. Casey gave her an apologetic half-shrug. "It's a national security issue," Casey said.

Ellie took a breath. "I'm a _doctor_ , I have patients I have to see, I can't just drop out whenever the General wants." She flipped open a chart. "And just be thankful I'm a goddamn ER doctor. Normal doctors? Their schedules are _a lot_ worse. At least with me you know when my shift will end."

She snapped the chart back closed and pushed Casey out of the way. 

 

*****

 

At the Castle, General Beckman folded her hands. "After Dr. Bartowski's shift ends, she and Major Casey will go to the research facility and see if you can find information related to the bombing at the carnival. You will spend the night combing through the research facility until the whereabouts to those documents are ascertained. Is that understood?"

Casey glanced over at Bartowski, who hadn't slept a full night in almost a week and looked like she was about to cry. He cleared his throat. "General, if I may?" 

"What is it, Major?" General Beckman said. Ellie and Sarah glanced over at Casey, confused.

"General, I'm concerned about the well-being of the asset," Casey said. "As you know, she is a working physician and she works long hours. I'm beginning to fear it's interfering with her performance." Casey hoped it didn't sound as asinine as he thought it did.

"Major, this was already discussed; we are coordinating our efforts so that they do not conflict with Dr. Bartowski's work schedule," General Beckman said.

"Yes I know," Casey said. "But it's taking a toll and the asset is physically and mentally exhausted."

The General raised an eyebrow. "You are not seriously suggesting we abort a vital mission because the asset is a little tired?" the General said. 

"General, the asset has gone several weeks with little to no sleep; as her handler, I'm concerned her ability to flash will be compromised," Casey says. 

Ellie's eyes widened. The General pursed her lips. "Agent Walker, what is your feeling on this?"

"I have to agree," Sarah said, quickly. "Major Casey's assessment is sound; he's her handler, he would know better than anyone if the asset is compromised."

General Beckman paused. "Very well," she said, finally. "Dr. Bartowski will sit this mission out. Agent Walker, you will accompany Major Casey to the research facility. We will reconvene at 0700."

"Yes General." The screen switched off. Ellie stared at Casey, dumbstruck.

"I'll drive you home," Casey said. 

 

*****

 

Casey stopped by Walker's apartment. "Let me see the surveillance," Casey said. Wordlessly Sarah led him into the livingroom where the monitors were set up.

"She's sound asleep," Sarah said. "Casey that was a really nice thing you did back there. Ellie looked like she was about to have an emotional breakdown. You really took care of her."

Casey grunted. "I'm her handler; it's my job," Casey said. 

"Well, I think it's good having someone look out for her like that." Sarah traced Ellie's outline on the monitor. "I know these things can get complicated, but personally I think what you two have is a good thing. Off the record, I mean."

Casey frowned. "What do you mean, 'what we have?'" Casey said. Sarah smiled, gently.

"Casey. You don't have to hide it. I've known for months," Sarah said.

Casey's eyes narrowed. "What the hell are you talking about?" Casey said.

Walker's smile, faded. "You care about her," Sarah said. "Casey there's nothing wrong with that--"

Casey grabbed his coat. 

"Casey!"

He moved and slammed the door.

 

*****

 

When Casey went back to Bartowski's place, her brother was the one who answered the door. "Yeah, she's still asleep," Chuck said. "I think she's getting sick or something. She didn't look too good." Casey moved past him and went up to Ellie's room.

He sat on the bed. Ellie was in a fitful sleep; her breathing was hard and shallow. "Bartowski?" He touched her arm. 

"Casey?" Ellie blinked. "What's wrong?"

Casey clenched his jaw. "Nothing. Just checking in."

"Oh." 

Ellie closed her eyes and rolled to the side. Chuck was in the living room, and it would go against their cover if Casey left. Wordlessly he shrugged off his jacket and laid down next to her.

Moments passed. Bartowski's breathing deepened, and the bedsheets rustled as she shifted closer. "Thank you for talking to the General," she said, finally. "That was really nice."

"It's fine," Casey said. She nestled close. 

"You really take care of me," Ellie said. She turned and touched Casey's face. "Thank you."

Ellie closed her eyes and nestled against Casey's chest. He frowned and glanced up at the camera. No doubt Walker was watching, but right now he didn't really care.


	6. Ellie vs The Anniversary

Sometimes, the line between Ellie's spy life and her real life begin to blur. It's not just that the missions and the bad guys start bleeding over--that was a given, from the very first day--but quickly the cover with Casey seems to be a little more real than she expects.

They're supposed to be on a mission recon, but somehow Chuck's friends are there, and Casey has no choice but to take Ellie's arm. "Morons at two o'clock," Casey says, and he puts his hand firmly around Ellie's waist.

It's just Lester and Jeffrey; Ellie recognizes them from the Buy More. "I doubt they're looking," Ellie says.

"Shut it, Barkowski. I don't like it anymore than you do."

"Gee, thanks," Ellie says. Casey rolls his eyes.

They walk around the pier. The sun is bright and children are playing along the boardwalk. She feels Casey absently stroke the side of her bicep as he watches them, silently.

It's times like this that Ellie has the most difficulty processing. It's Cover Mode, it's only acting, but he smiles a little when she leans against him, and for a moment, it feels very real.

"I think they're gone," Ellie says, but he keeps his hand against the small of her back. "Casey?"

"Yeah," Casey says. He lets go of her hand.

 

*****

 

When they stay at Casey's place, they don't have to act. Casey sleeps on the couch and Ellie takes the bedroom, and the two of them maintain a professional amount of distance.

Lately, though, they've been staying more at Ellie's place. "It isn't inconvenient?" Ellie asks.

"What is?" Casey says. He's slinging grenades into a knapsack.

"The acting. And the fact that we have to share a bed. We don't have to do that when we're at your place."

"It's fine," Casey says. He snaps his pack shut, then stands. "Is it bothering you?" Casey says.

"What? No, of course not," Ellie says.

"So then what's the problem?"

"I just noticed we were staying at my place a lot more, is all."

Casey grunts, then tosses the knapsack over his shoulder. "Walker's right next door, and the castle is within walking distance," Casey says. "Not to mention your family could become compromised. It's best if we keep a close watch."

"I guess," Ellie says, doubtfully. Casey gives her a look, then walks past her.

They watch a movie. On the couch, Ellie rests her head against his shoulder and leans against him, nevermind the fact that Chuck isn't even home and the only one they're acting for is the surveillance cameras hidden behind the wall.

It's late when they go to bed. Ellie is about to fall asleep when she hears the door being unlocked, and Chuck's voice filtering through the hall.

"Hello? Sis? Are you home?" The sound of rustling in the kitchen, a light being switched on.

Casey shifts, and Ellie knows the drill; she'll move off the bed while Casey rocks the mattress, making the bedsprings creak as if they were having sex. It was disconcerting at first, and absolutely hilarious when looking back at the surveillance footage, and it's something she's long ago come to accept about their fake relationship. So she's surprised when Casey catches her arm, pulls her back down in the bed with him.

"Casey?"

"Quiet."

They wait a moment. Chuck is making a sandwich. There is the sound of the refrigerator door opening and close, someone unscrewing a jar of what's probably mayonnaise.

"Sis?" There's a knock on the door before Chuck carefully opens it. A swatch of yellow light cuts through the darkness. She feels Casey hunker down behind her; she knows she's supposed to pretend to be asleep.

The door closes again. Ellie cranes her neck to look behind her.

"Everything okay?" Ellie asks, and she feels Casey nod against her back.

"Yeah," Casey says. He's holding her, one arm heavily draped across her waist like a bracelet. "Your idiot brother has no concept of personal space. You should get a lock on the door."

"Kinda funny since we're actually not doing anything," Ellie says. Casey doesn't say anything, just keeps holding her in case Chuck comes back. He feels warm and nice and Ellie doesn't really mind.

The next morning, Ellie wakes to find herself tucked against the space of his chest and shoulder.

She pushes herself just enough to look at him; Casey is still asleep. Quietly she lays back down and rests her head against his chest. Chuck could come in, she reasons, it's probably better for their cover, anyway. Slipping into Cover Mode, she drops a small kiss against his jaw and closes her eyes.

 

*****

 

She doesn't have to work this weekend, but she's half expecting a call to the castle, or a cabal of terrorists, or some random object that will make her flash, but soon it's 10 am and nothing has happened. Casey only shrugs.

"Consider it a day off," he says, and he hands her a cup of coffee. Ellie frowns at him and drinks it, slowly.

He's still her handler, and he still can't let her out of his sight, so Ellie just sits next to him in the kitchen. The sun is out now, warm streaks of yellow light filtering through the windows, and Ellie thinks that this is really nice. Just being able to drink a cup of coffee, hanging out in the kitchen. Things normal people just take for granted.

"You heading out?" Chuck says. Ellie smiles and leans against Casey's arm.

"I'm staying at John's tonight. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Have fun," Chuck says. Ellie waves, and as soon as she locks the door she makes the effort to let go of Casey's hand.

"Sorry about that," Ellie says. She pushes back a strand of hair, tucking it behind her ear. "I didn't think Chuck would hang out there for so long. But at least we can act normally for a little bit, right?"

Casey glances at her but doesn't say anything. He hefts his pack, walking at a brisk pace in front of her.

"Is Sarah coming over tonight?" Ellie asks.

"Not unless there's a mission," Casey says. He unlocks the door to his apartment, pushing it open. They walk inside; Casey drops his back on the floor and Ellie frowns at how empty the apartment looks.

He disappears into the bedroom. Ellie rubs her hands and sits down on the couch, frowning a little at the bonsai tree and the portrait of President Reagan grinning at her from the coffee table.

"Here," Casey says, and he tosses her a box.

"What's this?" Ellie says. It looks like a jewelry box. "Earrings?"

The earrings are beautiful, gemstones round and clear and just the right size. "So what spy gadgets are in here?" Ellie says. She picks one up, turning it between her fingers. "Are there microphones or something in here?"

"They're earrings, Bartowski." He sounds more irritated than usual. "And Walker picked them out, so blame her if you don't like them."

Ellie shuts the box. "Wait, these are real?"

Casey glares at her. "It's for our anniversary," Casey says.

"Our what?"

"You want me to spell it out for you?" Casey says, and he snatches back the box. "It's for our cover, alright? It's not that big a deal."

Ellie blinks. They've been "dating" for a year now, and she hadn't even noticed. "So the CIA bought me earrings?"

"No."

"Sorry, NSA," Ellie amends. "Wow, I gotta hand it to Beckman. She thinks of everything," Ellie says, and she realizes Casey is staring at his fist in his lap. "Casey?"

"Just make sure you show them to your brother tomorrow," Casey says. He stands, abruptly.

Well he's in a bad mood, Ellie thinks, and she sighs inwardly, palming the jewelry box and hugging her arms.

 

****

 

He sleeps on the couch while she takes the bed. It's a little strange, not having Casey within arms reach of her, but his apartment is secure and there's little chance she'll be attacked, not without Casey being alerted, first. Quietly she slips out of bed and hugs her arms, stepping hesitantly out of the bedroom.

Casey is sleeping with his arms crossed on the couch, but he's too tall and his legs are folded up in awkward angles against the couch cushions. Silently Ellie pours herself a glass of water and watches as Casey sleeps.

"The hell are you doing, Bartowski?" Casey's eyes squint open. She shows him the glass of water.

"I was thirsty. Did I wake you up?"

"What do you think," Casey says. He shifts and Ellie can practically hear the creak in his muscles, stiff from sleeping in that awkward position. Ellie frowns.

"You should sleep with me on the bed," Ellie says. Casey grunts.

"I thought the point of us being here was that we didn't have to do that crap," Casey says. Ellie gives him a little shrug.

"Well, it's not like I'm not used to it," Ellie says. "That couch looks uncomfortable. I never noticed it before."

"It's fine," Casey says. Ellie's frown deepens.

"Then let me have the couch," Ellie says. "It looks like it's hurting your neck. I could probably fit better on it."

"I'm not making you take the couch," Casey says. He looks at her, evenly.

"You wouldn't mind if we shared the bed?"

"No, of course not," Ellie says. Casey's jaw tightens.

"Fine," Casey says. He stands, dragging the blanket into the bedroom.

He climbs into bed. Habit and muscle memory take over and soon she feels his arm shifting her back against his chest. She likes it when they sleep like this, and soon enough she's drowsing against him, closing her eyes.

 

*****

 

"Did she like the earrings?"

Casey looks up and sees Walker coming into the weapons locker. He grunts and sets down his rifle.

"Yeah," Casey says. And then,

"She thinks Beckman ordered me to get them for her."

"Oh, _Casey_ ," Sarah says. Casey shrugs.

"It's better this way," Casey says. He slings a grenade into his knapsack, zipping up his pack. "Less likely to compromise the mission."

Sarah frowns at him, crossing her arms.

At Bartowski's place, Ellie shows off the earrings to Lou and Chuck, and Casey doesn't move or say anything when she impulsively grabs his wrist or leans against him, smiling against his neck. Her arms settle around his waist and the way she's looking at him is almost lovingly. Her eyes are soft. The way she smiles at him seems genuine and warm.

"Happy anniversary," she tells him, when they're alone in the bedroom, and she's almost a little shy when she hands him the package. Casey frowns at her, turning it over in his hands.

"What's this?" Casey says. Ellie grins.

"Open it," she says, and when he tears back the paper he stifles a laugh.

"Mr. President," he says, and he holds out the heart-shaped picture frame, the picture of Ronald Reagan grinning slipped inside.


	7. Ellie vs The Truth

The vial drops. Poison rises from the floor and starts filling the air; there's a stricken look on Sarah's face, and Ellie waves her hand at the smoke.

"We only have five hours," Sarah says. Her voice is a whisper.

Ellie glances back at Casey, and she knows there's nothing they can do.

 

*****

 

"This truth serum? Sucks."

Ellie is sitting against the wall. The poisoned vapor is circulating freely in her system now; her inner filter is knocked out of place. "I'm a doctor. Do you _know_ how much residency sucks? And how much med school sucks? And how I spent my entire fucking _life_ studying? Now I'm actually an attending, but who cares? I'm going to die and this really _sucks_."

Casey and Sarah both have a fine film of sweat on their faces, and if Ellie concentrates hard enough, she knows she's sweating, too. An autonomic response. "And for the record? The Intersect blows. God. Can you imagine if _Chuck_ were the one to get it? I can barely handle it myself, God knows how Chuck would be able to do."

"Chuck is fine," Sarah says. Ellie's face pinches. "Look, the past is in the past, we just have to concentrate on dealing with this _now_."

"How about let's concentrate on dying?" Ellie says. Yup, no filter. She knocks her head against the wall. "This _sucks_."

"We have to think of a plan," Sarah says. "Something to lure the assassin back into the open. He's got to have an antidote."

"It's too late," Ellie says. "We're doomed."

Ellie knocks her head against the wall. Casey glares. "You know what? This is your fault, Bartowski," Casey says. "I _told_ you to take the antidote, but no. You had to go and give it to Captain Moron over there, and what the hell do you see in him, anyway? He's an oversized fratboy! God! I wish he could have died first, at least you could've survived."

"You wished Devon were _dead_?" Ellie says.

"Guys, c'mon," Sarah says.

"No, I want to hear this!" Ellie says. "Casey! Devon is a civilian, and he was saving that guy's _life_ , I gave him the antidote because he doesn't deserve to die like that!"

"You gave him the antidote because you're still in love with him!" Casey says.

"Guys!" Sarah says.

"That's not true," Ellie says.

"Well you sure act like it," Casey says.

"It's a goddamn _truth serum_ , Casey! Are you really that fucked up, you can't even believe a person when they're on fucking _truth serum_?" Ellie says.

"Guys!" Sarah says. Casey and Ellie turn.

"Look we can't do this," Sarah says. "We only have a few hours left, we can't turn on each other right now."

Casey growls. Ellie knocks her head against the wall.

"You know, what the hell is with you, anyway?" Ellie says. "Why should you even care if I'm in love with Devon? I thought our fake relationship was exactly that: fake!"

"Bartowski." There's a warning in his voice.

"No, you know what? I am _sick_ of it!" Ellie says. "Every day I'm on pins and needles around you, I never know what the hell is going on, what you're feeling, why you're acting the way you do, and I know this is a job for you, but guess what? _It's my life_. It's my life and I'm sick of it! I'm sick of everything!"

Ellie huffs against the wall. Casey looks hurt and angry. "I guess you hate me, too," Casey says.

"Guys, c'mon," Sarah says. Ellie glares.

"I wish I could hate you," Ellie says.

"You know what, you guys, let's just stop," Sarah says. "Let's just stop now and try to think of a plan, okay? We can do this," Sarah says.

"Walker, can't you just mind your own goddamn business? We're having a discussion," Casey says.

Sarah glares. "Well why don't you just tell her?" Sarah says.

"Tell me what?" Ellie says. Sarah shoots a sharp look at Casey. "Casey, tell me what?"

"That I'm in love with you. Wait! Dammit!" Casey slams his hand against the floor. "Goddamn truth serum! Dammit!"

"You're in love with me?" Ellie's eyes are wide.

"No! I mean, yes. Desperately." Casey's eyes widen. "Jesus, _fuck_."

Ellie's hand brushes against something.

"What's this?" Ellie says, and she picks up the box. It's a...

Fingerprint  
Mugshot  
REARDON PAYNE  
gymnast  
picture of him with a blown knee  
a gun  
stolen documents  
WANTED emblazoned in red on a mug shot.

Ellie blinks, shoved out of the moment. "You guys! His name is Reardon Payne, he's an ex-olympic gymnast but he blew out his knee, now he makes a living selling government secrets on the black market." She holds out the tracker. "We can use the tracker to track Payne. He's been exposed, he needs the antidote, too! We can find out where he's hiding!"

"Okay we have to move," Sarah says. She scrambles to her feet. "We need to go, _now_."

They scramble to their feet, following the beeping of the tracker.

 

*****

 

They're able to get the antidote. Before Ellie can talk to him, Casey takes a quick swig; there's something in his eyes that she can't place, and he looks like he wants to ask her something, but he doesn't and his face screws up tight. He tosses the vial in the garbage and avoids her eyes.

 

*****

 

"Hey, Casey," Ellie says. She pulls her sweater around her chest. "Can we talk?"

Casey grunts. He's cleaning one of his guns. "I'm busy, Bartowski, maybe you should bother someone else," Casey says.

Ellie pulls her sweater tighter. "Casey, about what you said before--"

"I was compromised," Casey says. He snaps the magazine into place. "Maybe you should go talk to Walker."

Ellie hesitates a moment, but then presses forward.

"I love you," Ellie says.  Casey stops, but doesn't look at her. "Casey, did you hear me? I said I love you, too."

Casey grunts, then shoves the gun back onto the table. "Irrelevant," Casey says.

"How is that irrelevant? You feel the same way I do."

"Feelings will only compromise the mission." Casey's face is pinched. He still won't look at her.

"Bartowski. I'm going to pretend that this didn't happen. It'd be best for you if you did, too."

Ellie softens. "Casey..."

Casey pushes past her and starts loading the bunker. Ellie hovers by the door for a few more minutes before turning to leave.

She closes the door before he can see her start to cry.

 

*****

 

Ellie is crying in the hospital parking lot. She's sitting on the loading dock steps, crying into a tissue as ambulances and supply trucks roll by. Someone touches her shoulder. "Ellie?"

Ellie looks up. "D-devon?" Her face is splotchy and her eyes are swollen. "What are you doing here?"

"I got called in on an emergency. Jesus, El, what happened?"

Ellie shakes her head. "Nothing," Ellie says. She hugs herself, tight. "You were just in the hospital," Ellie says. "You shouldn't be operating."

Devon gives a small smile. "It was just dehydration, babe, I'm totally fine now." He sits next to her. "You want to talk about it?" Devon asks. Ellie shakes her head.

"Not really," Ellie says. She smiles, sadly.

From far away, Casey is parked in a dark van, listening with his headphones. He watches Ellie and Devon talk; their body language is perfectly in sync.

Devon is quiet. "What happened to us?" Devon asks. "I thought it was you and me, together. Why..." he takes a breath. "Why did you leave?"

Ellie closes her eyes. "I ask myself that every single day," Ellie says.

Casey watches the two of them leave together; he takes off his headphones.


	8. Your Last Cigarette

There's a silo just east of the road; Ellie has a flash and they pull over, opening the car doors and stepping outside. Around them, there's nothing but detritus and a battered stop sign, newspaper and dust blowing around their feet. Ellie crouches in the dirt, at a loss. "I don't understand," Ellie says. "I flashed. He's here, I know it."

Thunder rolls, the clouds dark and thick with the threat of rain. Casey squints. "There's nothing here," Casey says. "We should get going."

Ellie's face wrenches. Casey touches her arm.

"Hey," Casey says. He shakes her a little. "Bartowski! Hey."

Ellie looks up. Wind and dust stings her eyes.

"We'll find him," Casey says. His voice is firm. "I promise."

Ellie nods, and gets back in the car.

 

*****

 

The air is sticky and humid, and even though it's threatening rain it's still hot outside, waves of heat rising from the road.

The air conditioning is broken, so Ellie rolls down the windows to the car. Pieces of hair stick flat to her forehead; her clothes stick on her too, and almost unconsciously she picks off the fabric from her skin. Beside her, Casey drives, eyes fixed on the road. Neither of them speak.

It's been nearly two days since the two of them left the Castle; Sarah promised she would hold down the fort, distracting the General and doing what she can to help them with their search. "I know why you're doing this," Sarah said, gripping Ellie's hands. "I'll do what I can, but I can't promise you you'll be safe. You're disobeying a direct order--"

"I know," Ellie said. "But he's my father. I can't let it go."

And Sarah nodded and gripped her hands again, glancing up at Casey and nodding wordlessly.

The road stretches out in front of them, an endless line of cracked black asphalt and sun-bleached clay. "How much longer?" Ellie asks.

"It's hard to say." Casey doesn't look at her. Like Ellie, he's disobeyed a direct order; this from a man who always put duty before everything else. "Have you flashed on anything?"

"No," Ellie says. "Not yet."

And Casey drives, because that's all that's left to do.

 

*****

 

They drive for what seems like years, and even though Ellie was the one who plotted the course, it's as if they have no real destination. In the closed equability of the car, Ellie begins to lose track of time, falling asleep, then waking up, then falling asleep again.

It's late when it finally starts raining. The rain drums against the windshield, but one of the wiper blades is broken; it drags uselessly against the glass. Water sluices down the windshield and distorts the road ahead of them, and Casey has to squint to see. Ellie glances over and frowns.

"You look tired," Ellie says, and Casey glances toward her. "Maybe you should pull over."

"I'm fine," Casey says.

"You sure? I can drive," Ellie says. Casey shakes his head.

"You need to concentrate; you can't be driving if you flash," Casey says.

"I guess you're right," Ellie says. She rests her head against the glass. She watches the rain and cars streaking past them, the bright yellow light of their headbeams cutting through the dark. "Where are we going now?" Ellie says. Casey shifts in his seat.

"We're looking for a place to stay," Casey says. "Keep your eyes open; there should be some motels by the side of the road."

Ellie is struck by how serious he's being. Even now, even after going rogue, there's still a mission. "Why are you doing this?" Ellie asks.

"Because you could flash; I told you," Casey says. "Besides, it's raining and these wipers are terrible. No offense, Bartowski, but I think I'm probably the better driver."

"No, not why are you driving. Why are you doing this? Why are you helping me?" Ellie says. Casey takes a moment before answering.

"I'm helping you because your father served this country honorably, and I think he deserves better than our government is offering," Casey says.

"But you're disobeying orders," Ellie says. "That doesn't bother you?"

"Why? Does it bother you?" Casey asks.

"Yes," Ellie says. "Yes, Casey, it does. Because before this, you were off flying jets and doing what you were told." Ellie watches for a response. But Casey's face is a mask; everything's carefully controlled. "I was wondering if this had to do with us," Ellie says, quietly. Casey's jaw clenches.

"Bartowski, there is no 'us.' I'm your handler; you'd go searching for your father with or without me, so I'm just here protecting the asset," Casey says.

Ellie says nothing. She watches the shadows crossing Casey's face, reflections from the rain outside. She presses her hand to her eyes and sags.

 

*****

 

Around 2 AM, they see a ramshackle motel at the edge of the road, its neon vacancy sign still on. They check in under pseudonyms and hike their bags into the room, which is dingy and gray and smelling slightly like cigarettes. There's a bowl of condoms at the bedside and a dusty ashtray filled with gum wrappers and cigarette butts. And there, at the very center of the room, is a single bed; it stares at them as if in rebuke.

"I can take the floor," Ellie says, ruefully.

"No, you're a woman. I'll take the floor," Casey says.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ellie asks. Casey grunts. But Ellie's tired and irritable and she throws her stuff on top of the bed.

"Goddammit, I hate it when you do that," Ellie says. "You just grunt and snarl and give these nasty looks. What the hell am I supposed to say to that? Should I grunt back? Get in touch with my inner caveman?"

"You want to take the floor? Fine. Take the floor," Casey says. He throws his stuff down and sits on the bed.

Ellie stares. Finally she yanks out an extra bedsheet and spreads it out onto the carpet. Casey rises and grabs it from her. "Hey!" Ellie says.

"You're not sleeping on the floor, it's disgusting. It's covered in semen and cigarette butts," Casey says.

Ellie glowers. "Why are you even here?" Ellie asks.

"I told you. I'm helping your father," Casey says.

"Bullshit," Ellie says. She watches Casey pull off his boots. "Casey, talk to me."

Casey glares and tosses a boot.

"Fine," Ellie says. "Neither of us get the floor."

She watches him on the bed. Casey says nothing. He stares out at the wall.

"I'm going to take a shower," Ellie says. "Then I'm going to sleep. If you just wanna keep sitting here pissed off, that's your prerogative. I'm going to bed."

 In the bathroom, the shower is cool and clean against her skin. Ellie closes her eyes and rests her forehead against the cool tile. Afterward, she wraps her hair in a towel and pads barefoot into the room. Casey watches, catlike and muscles tensed. Ellie ignores him and towels off her legs. She's wearing one of Chuck's old T-shirts, and her hair is wet and loose around her throat.  
  
Casey disappears into the bathroom, ostensibly for a shower as well, and Ellie switches off the light. She remembers to demarcate the shared space of the bed by a divider of two pillows; that neither of them are willing to admit how they felt demands such measures, and Ellie dutifully arranges the pillows. With the light switched off, she stares out at the shadows of the wall and the thin light that's starting to break from under the blinds. She hears Casey stepping around the bed, feels the mattress sink beside her.  
  
_They're running from bad guys again, Casey grabbing her arm and pulling her forward. They round a corner toward an alley and Casey pushes her against the wall. They're flat and they're quiet, Casey's body pressed against hers, and Ellie looks up and sees Casey's face. They're impossibly close, a finger's breadth away. He's not looking at her, though, he's concentrating on the bad guys. Feet pound and they pass right by them. Ellie breathes. Casey turns and slowly meets her eyes._  
  
How many times has Casey saved her life, only to grip her arm a little too tight, look at her a little too long? It's not until Ellie exhales that she realizes she's been holding her breath. The pillows, which are pressed up against her back, shift in position, and it's only then that she realizes Casey is pulling them out from between them. Ellie doesn't move. A hand brushes against her shoulder. "Are you alright?"  
  
"Yeah," Ellie says. She doesn't move. His hand is warm and slightly damp from the shower, and suddenly it's too much, too soon, and Ellie stumbles out of the bed. She pulls off a bedsheet and wraps it around her shoulders. "I can't...I can't do this," Ellie says. "I'll sleep on the floor tonight, I can't--"  
  
But Casey's got her by the forearms, he's pulling her close. "Bartowski...."  
  
"My name," Ellie says, "is Ellie." 

"Ellie," Casey says. And she lets him hold her close, sinking against his chest and closing her eyes.

 

*****

 

A watery gray light filters through the dingy room, and Ellie wakes to the feel of Casey's face pressed against her neck. She shifts slightly. His arm is around her waist, and when she moves, he tightens his grip, breathing deep and pressing her against his chest. He feels warm. Ellie sighs and settles against him, pulling his hand to her face.

Time passes; soon a thin square of light falls on Ellie's face. She blinks, then opens her eyes. Casey is still holding her. Slowly, Ellie turns and faces him. Casey's eyes open. They watch each other for what seem like years before Ellie reaches up and kisses him softly on the mouth.

The springs creak when Ellie moves to straddle him on his lap, pushing him down against the shabby mattress. The air is cold and stale and her hair falls over her face in a tangled curtain, but he feels warm and good and she shudders slightly, a muted rush of pleasure building up at the base of her spine. She arches up, and he dips his head and presses his face against the curve of her belly, day-old stubble scraping against her skin.

Ellie groans, and he rolls her onto her back. He's kissing her mouth, her neck, traces a line from her lips to the hollow over her collarbone, the spaces behind her ear. Calloused hands drag up her shirt and expose her breasts, and he's kissing there too, hot mouth on hard nipples; she gathers her fingers in his hair and moans as he dips lower, his mouth tracing the curve of her belly and between her legs.

"Oh!" Ellie throws her head back as he nurses her clit, her muscles beginning to clench. " _Oh_!"

She comes hard, gasping and spasming against him. Her voice is hoarse and she's shaking slightly, and suddenly Casey's shoving her down, kissing her hard and gathering her in his arms. His mouth collides against hers; his hands press greedily against her skin. The movements are frantic now, hungry, desperate. He spreads her roughly open and her knees knock into the sides of his ribs. She feels him at her entrance; his breath hitches in his throat. He's trying not to hurt her.

"Just do it," Ellie rasps. "Casey, please--"

Casey takes a breath, and in one swift movement penetrates her. Ellie gasps; it's too much, too fast, _oh god_ it feels good, she claws her hands against his back. "Don't stop, don't stop," she says, and he buries his face against her shoulder as he pushes back inside of her.

 

*****

 

Ellie sits at the edge of the bed and watches him wash his face in the bathroom sink, jaw tight and avoiding her eyes. On the bed, Ellie is still naked, the bedsheet wrapped tightly around her. There's a wet spot on the mattress and it makes her feel ashamed.

They dress in silence. Casey zips up his duffel bag and throws it against the chair. "Are you gonna talk to me?" Ellie says, finally, and for the first time Casey looks haggard; worn. "Casey, please. Say something."

"You know what I'm going to say." He pulls on a shirt and sits heavily on the bed. "I'm your handler," Casey says. "This wasn't supposed to happen."

Ellie tightens her jaw. Tears begin to sting her eyes. "So you're going to leave?" Ellie's voice breaks.

"No, of course not." Casey moves closer. "I promised you I'd help you find your father. I wouldn't go back on my word."

"No, of course you won't," Ellie says. "But what about us?"

Silence meets with silence. Casey looks up at her with dark eyes. "There can't _be_ an us," Casey says, and Ellie starts to cry.

"Bartowski--"

"My name is _Ellie_!" Ellie says, and she sobs. "You've already broken the rules, why should this one matter? _Why_?"

"Bartowski! Bartowkski, listen to me." Casey grasps Ellie's wrists. "Ellie."

Ellie looks up. Her face is tear-streaked and blotchy. "I care about you," Casey says. "But it's like Stockholm Syndrome, Bartowski. It's time and it's proximity and it's everything Sarah said except that I took advantage of you. If it weren't for the Intersect, you'd be with Devon and Chuck and you'd have a life of your own--"

"No," Ellie says. "No, Casey that's not true--"

"It is," Casey says. He grips her hands, tight. "I'll help you find your father," Casey says. "And if what he says is true, if he can take away the Intersect, I'm not going to get in the way of that. You deserve a life of your own, Bartowski. You deserve a life where you won't _need_ me."

"Casey." Ellie's throat tightens. "Casey please."

There's wetness around the corners of Casey's eyes, but otherwise his face is a mask; his jaw is tight.

"We're burning daylight," Casey says, finally. "Let's go find your father."


End file.
